Have you ever loved someone, despite how they've treated you? I feel like I've been trampled on over and over again. Hurt and lied to time and time again. I've been called horrible names, and had my self-esteem and self-confidence ripped away from me. and as I sat at home, wondering where he was, he would be putting his lips on another woman, or advertising himself on several dating sites, thinking I'd never find out.

Let me tell you how brutally painful it is to hear him tell me that he wanted this baby, and for us to be together and love each other, meanwhile, he would tell other women that he wished I would get an abortion, and that I was just some girl he would sleep with every once in a while with no emotional attachment (keeping in mind that I was 5-6 months into the pregnancy). I devoted myself to him. He was my world. I honestly thought that he loved me, and loved what was growing inside me. I sacrificed my life and body to bring into this world something beautiful. I only found out recently that I was so VERY wrong. It broke my heart to hear what he'd tell other women about me behind my back. I LOVED this person, SO MUCH. How could he do something like that to me??

It wasn't until after I found out I was pregnant that things became worse in the relationship. I honestly saw the pregnancy as a life event that would bring us closer together, more than anything else. When he made promises the night I found out I was pregnant, I was foolishly optimistic, thinking that this was the man I wanted to spend my life with. He seemed so genuine, and loving. How could I say no to that? My heart would beat so strongly for him.

I struggled throughout my pregnancy. As the months went on, more friction would develop between us. I was generally put down and mistrusted thanks to his insecurities. There were many nights where I'd lay in bed sobbing, holding my stomach while the baby kicked, as I read text after text calling me the most atrocious names under the sun. And as I laid there sobbing, I would be accused of doing something to "make me feel better". I guess that makes sense to me now, because as it turns out, when we'd fight, he would be meeting up, or sexting other women. I guess that's what he would do to make himself "feel better", and with his logic, that's what I MUST have done as well :/

I have never met someone who was as sexually driven as this person. Everything managed to relate back to sex in one way or another. I think that made the relationship even more difficult to deal with, because it made me feel like sex was the most important thing in his life, and being pregnant, I'm sure he was dissatisfied with the lack of intimacy. I was always worried that he would satisfy his needs elsewhere, but he would always reassure me that I was the only one.... I'm not so willing to accept that truth, considering that he tried inviting another woman into OUR HOME for sex while I was in the hospital for postpartum depression after the birth of OUR BABY.

I really should have seen the red flags months prior when he signed up for an adult hook-up site, but he had this manipulative hold over me that to this day I do not understand. He is a self-proclaimed sex addict. He has lost jobs over his obsession with sex (getting fired for having sex during his shift in an electrical closet) , and has slept with clients he met while working his last job. I often wonder what he did all those nights he "worked late", or on those nights where I couldn't get a hold of him. I have an idea. It was disclosed to me that he would pick up women in his truck, and then get pissed off that they didn't want to fool around with him. I guess I just wanted to believe so badly that this type of thing would NEVER happen to me, but now I'm thinking that it did, and it leaves me feeling sick.

After it was finally revealed to me what this person was really like, it left me with a real sick feeling in my stomach. I thought I knew the person I loved and shared a bed with. What I knew was a lie.

To be continued...